Abuse

 

Mental Abuse: emotional abuse can happen to anyone at any time in their lives. Children, teens and adults all experience emotional abuse. And emotional abuse can have devastating consequences on relationships and all those involved. Just because there is no physical mark doesn't mean the abuse isn't real and isn't a problem or even a crime in some countries.

Definition of Emotional Abuse: 

One definition of emotional abuse is: "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth."

Emotional abuse is also known as psychological abuse or as "chronic verbal aggression" by researchers. People who suffer from emotional abuse tend to have very low self-esteem, show personality changes (such as becoming withdrawn) and may even become depressed, anxious or suicidal.

Emotional Abuse Signs and Symptoms

Emotional abuse symptoms vary but can invade any part of a person's life.

Signs of emotional abuse include:

  • Yelling or swearing (read about: Emotional Bullying)
  • Name calling or insults; mocking
  • Threats and intimidation
  • Ignoring or excluding
  • Isolating
  • Humiliating
  • Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim

Emotional abuse, like other types of abuse, tends to take the form of a cycle. In a relationship, this cycle starts when one partner emotionally abuses the other, typically to show dominance. The abuser then feels guilt, but not about what he (or she) has done, but more over the consequences of his actions. The abuser then makes up excuses for his own behavior to avoid taking responsibility over what has happened. The abuser then resumes "normal" behavior as if the abuse never happened and may, in fact, be extra charming, apologetic and giving – making the abused party believe that the abuser is sorry. The abuser then begins to fantasize about abusing his partner again and sets up a situation in which more emotional abuse can take place.

Examples of Emotional Abuse:

In some countries emotional abuse is defined and the following examples of emotional abuse are given by Justice Canada:

  • Threats of violence or abandonment
  • Intentionally frightening
  • Making an individual fear that they will not receive the food or care they need
  • Lying
  • Failing to check allegations of abuse against them
  • Making derogative or slanderous statements about an individual to others
  • Socially isolating an individual, failing to let them have visitors
  • Withholding important information
  • Demeaning an individual because of the language they speak
  • Intentionally misinterpreting traditional practices
  • Repeatedly raising the issue of death
  • Telling an individual that they are too much trouble
  • Ignoring or excessively criticizing
  • Being over-familiar and disrespectful
  • Unreasonably ordering an individual around; treating an individual like a servant or child

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Bullying: is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

  • An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
  • Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Types of Bullying

There are three types of bullying:

  • Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
    • Teasing
    • Name-calling
    • Inappropriate sexual comments
    • Taunting
    • Threatening to cause harm
  • Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
    • Leaving someone out on purpose
    • Telling other children not to be friends with someone
    • Spreading rumors about someone
    • Embarrassing someone in public
  • Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
    • Hitting/kicking/pinching
    • Spitting
    • Tripping/pushing
    • Taking or breaking someone’s things
    • Making mean or rude hand gestures

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Emotional Bullying: isn't just seen on the playground; emotional bullying, although likely subtler, is seen in adult relationships and workplaces too. An emotional bully might:1

  • Name-call, tease or mock
  • Use sarcasm
  • Threaten
  • Put-down or belittle
  • Ignore or exclude from a group
  • Lie
  • Torment
  • Gang up on others
  • Humiliate others

And while some may write off emotional bullying as childish behavior or easily ignorable, research shows that emotional bullying can leave lasting scars on its victims. Moreover, those who have experienced emotional bullying are more likely to turn around and become emotional bullies themselves.

Emotional bullying can have negative effects on a person's mental health. Victims often feel shame, guilt, embarrassment and fear. These effects of emotional bullying can result in:

  • Depression
  • Low self-esteem
  • Shyness
  • Poor academic or job performance
  • Isolation
  • Threatened or attempted suicide

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Rape: a heinous act performed when one party wishes to exact complete power and control over another. The definition of rape, according to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is: ". . . forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal, or oral penetration. Penetration may be by a body part or an object."

Rape is often known as "sexual assault" or "sexual abuse," particularly in the law. However, sexual assault and sexual abuse are defined more broadly whereas the term rape specifies intercourse.

Threats of violence or weapons may be used during rape but in about 8-out-of-10 cases, nothing but physical force is used. Weapons or threats are not required for an act to be considered rape.

It is important to know that either gender can be the perpetrator or the victim of rape. Additionally, both heterosexual and homosexual rapes take place both inside and outside of relationships. It's critical to understand that rape is never okay and that no matter the circumstance, rape is never the victim's fault.

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Sexual Assault: it's also important to know that sexual activities short of rape performed without consent are also a crime. These crimes are generally known as "sexual assault." Sexual assault is defined as the following, according to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network: ". . . unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault and abuse is any kind of sexual activity that you do not agree to, including:

  • inappropriate touching
  • vaginal, anal, or oral sex
  • sex that you say ‘no’ to
  • rape
  • attempted rape
  • child molestation

Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Examples of this are voyeurism (when someone watches private sexual acts), exhibitionism (when someone exposes him/herself in public), incest (sexual contact between family members), and sexual harassment. It can happen in different situations, by a stranger in an isolated place, on a date, or in the home by someone you know.

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Physical Abuse: is when a person touches your body in an unwanted or violent way. This may include: hitting, kicking, pulling hair, pushing, biting, choking, or using a weapon or other item to hurt you. Different kinds of people can be physical abusers — parents, stepparents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, babysitters, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, or coaches.

A lot of the time, people involved in an abusive relationship don’t recognize that they are being abused. It’s easy to look past abuse if you love someone, but you shouldn’t do that. You could be in danger. Don’t accept abuse from anyone. You are worth more than that.

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